Saturday, December 27, 2014

New driver on the road!

My son Science Ninja is the proud possessor of a drivers' license! He got a perfect score on his test. And the DMV lady who did the paperwork was absolutely delightful and so kind and funny. 

Her, to SN: Do you want to keep your learners' permit for a souvenir? If not, give it to your mama. Mamas like to keep these things.

Me: Yes, I totally want it! 

Her, to SN: Congratulations! You got a perfect score!

Me *nervous*: What score do you need to get to pass?

Her: You can miss 10 points.

Me: TEN POINTS? TEN???? THESE are the people you have to
worry about, my son. The 10 pointers.

Science Ninja, to DMV Lady: She gets like this.

Her: All mamas do.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Alejandro's Sorceress is finally here!!

Dear Readers:

It's here! It's FINALLY HERE!  ALEJANDRO’S SORCERESS, the long-awaited e-novella that’s (loosely) part of the Atlantis series, by me as Alyssa Day, is out today, April 14th, for only 99 cents!! AND with 7 other books FREE!

Buy links:





Have a peek:

She murmured or moaned, a tiny sound, and tightened her hold on him, and he was lost.
"I need you," he said roughly, his voice like sandpaper.  “I don’t know why or how, but I do.  Please. 

She put her hands on his face and pulled back a little to study his face, and the wildness and desire he saw in her unbelievably blue eyes drove him over the brink of the abyss. 

"Yes," she said.  One tiny word that changed his entire world

Reader reviews are already coming in and readers are telling me they're laughing out loud and loving this story!!  That funny little novella written around Alejandro, a supporting character from Atlantis Unleashed, will be in e-bookstores today, April 14th! After a life lived in the darkness, Alejandro deserved some sunshine.  So I gave him a funny witch with a crazy family to fall in love with.  I hope you are as happy for Alejandro as I am! And since I took soooo long to get this one to you, I’m not only giving it to you for only 99 cents, but I’m giving you 7 other authors’ stories for FREE!!  Yes, ALEJANDRO’S SORCERESS is part of the DARK AND DEADLY: 8 BAD BOYS OF PARANORMAL ROMANCE boxed set, with Jennifer Ashley, Caris Roane, Bonnie Vanak, Erin Quinn, Erin Kellison, Felicity Heaton and Laurie London! 
All the news, in quick bites:

THE LONESOME YOUNG, a hot, crazy-suspenseful, contemporary young adult novel by me as Lucy Connors came out last week!  It will be in an ad in PEOPLE MAGAZINE the 25th!! *thud* *faints in excitement*

I’ll be at the RT Convention in New Orleans from May 13-18 – please come see me!  THE CURSED was an RT Book Club Reviewer’s Choice Award Nominee for Best Paranormal Novel of 2013, but I'm thrilled for my friend Nalini Singh, who won thhe category this year! (Last year, I took the grand prize for paranormal romance with Heart of Atlantis).   If you haven’t checked out Luke and Rio’s adventures, be sure to do so before THE UNFORGIVEN, book 2, comes out sometime this fall/winter! 

Two more books in the League of the Black Swan trilogy will be coming! (And yes, in Atlantis, I still promise to write Denal and Jack!)

 I recently finally came out about my struggles with depression, after far too long spent hiding because I was ashamed. So now I am working to help break the stigma on this horrible illness.  If you or anyone you love suffers from depression, please ask for help. Let’s make depression our bitch, instead of the other way around!

Thank you for reading this far!! I’ll be back next month wth exciting news on future books!! As always, please share this newsletter with anyone you think might be interested!If you’re like to get news of what I’m up to, check out my website, and/or my Lucy Connors website, and please like my page on Facebook or chat with me on Twitter. I love, love, love to hear from readers and you can email me here.  


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

On one writer and depression, aka life in the black pit of hell

So here I am, telling the truth for the first time, ever, publicly.

I have been ashamed to tell people about this for so long that I am –literally (and those of you who have heard me rant about the correct use of ‘literally’ know I really mean it) – crying at the keyboard. 
Because it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to get over years and years of humiliation and despair to admit that I needed help.

So here it is:  I’m Alesia Holliday (and Alyssa Day) and I have battled depression all my life. 

Wow.  That was really fucking hard.  I can see why maybe AA makes you stand up and admit to being an alcoholic over and over.  Perhaps repetition lessens the terror?  Perhaps desensitization lessens the pain?  I don’t know.  I hope so.  I’m finally speaking up and speaking out because I can’t be silent any longer. I think my life might hang in the balance.

I had a birthday in November and it hit me hard.  So hard.  Because all I could think was: “How am I going to slog through so many more years of a life like this?”

I call depression the black pit, because it’s so damn dark down there.  It’s the horrible, hideous 4 a.m. of the soul, where all the worst bits of self-torment and self-sabotage and self-hatred throw a big fucking party and jump on my head. 

“You’re not good enough.”  “Your next book can never be as good as the last one.”  “You’re a terrible person, writer, wife, mother, daughter, sister, human being.”

I don’t think anybody really understands depression.  The doctors think our brain chemistry is messed up, and we can fix it with medication.  The therapists think it’s a behavioral issue and we can fix it with therapy.  Probably both are true, to varying degrees.  Maybe.  All I know is that it’s something that can kill people by destroying all hope, and that it’s probably going to be almost as hard, or even harder, to fight my way out of the black pit as it was to just lie in the bottom of that damn pit in the dark--hoping to disappear.  But I know I have to try.

I have the best friends and family in the world, but when you’re in the black pit, they don’t know how to help.  Because they can tell you it will get better, but you don’t believe them.  Or they can cheer you on to climb out, but it feels like the sides are coated with slippery oil and no matter how hard you try to climb out, you’re just going to slide back down.  Maybe they’ll even throw you a rope, but the thought of trying to climb a rope is impossible when you haven’t had the strength to take a shower for three days.

I actually had this conversation with myself once:

“You have to wash your hair.”
“I I don’t have the strength to do it.”
“You have to do it.”
“I can’t.”
“You have to.”
“Why does it matter if I have clean hair? I’m such a loser.”
“But what if you die here on the couch with dirty hair and everybody knows you were too much of a loser to wash your hair?”

So I washed my hair.  Because some tiny part of me wanted to keep everyone from knowing I was hurting so much and so far gone.  Because, thanks to society’s stigmatizing mental issues like depression, I was too humiliated to even admit that I was hurting. 

Until I hit that birthday and realized I didn’t have the energy to keep fighting, over and over and over. 

Until I realized my subconscious had been screaming at me for a while, because the last three stories I’d written all had main characters die.

Until I admitted how much I needed help.

So I told my family and my doctor.  I told my agent and my editors.  I told my friends.  I cried so many tears that I think my tear ducts are broken.  And a tiny, tiny, tiny miracle happened:  So many people told me that they’re on my side.  And that they love me and they support me, even though, deep down, I still felt like I didn’t deserve support.  Or love.  Because depression is an evil monster who gets his claws around our mind and heart and gut and never, ever wants to let go.

Well, fuck that.  I am getting help and, for the first time in a long time, I see a glimmer of light and hope.  For the first time in an even longer time, I don’t feel like a complete fraud who is pretending to be happy.

My editors have been amazing, but the next League of the Black Swan book had to be pushed back from May, 2014 because I was completely unable to finish it in time.  I promise to let you know when it’s rescheduled, and I appreciate your patience and kindness and understanding more than I can ever say. My novella I wrote nearly two years ago, Alejandro's Sorceress, is waiting for me to be able to look at it with clear eyes so I can finally post it for you.  I'm trying.  I hope it will be very soon.

I've started meds, and I've started therapy, and both are helping.  I'm trying to find my balance, and just feeling a glimmer of hope instead of being crushed under the weight of hopelessness is a miracle.  And today, another  miracle occurred.  I wanted to write.  I DID write.  And the words I wrote in my story didn’t lie there, flat and lifeless on the page, forcing me to delete them and start over like they do when I’m in the black pit.  Instead, they danced and sang like stories are supposed to do.  Quietly, still, and a little shaky on their feet, but there was definitely singing and dancing.

I’m  Alesia, and I have battled depression all my life. 

Hey.  It was easier, just by an infinitesimal bit, that second time.  Let’s try it again:

I’m  Alesia, and I have battled depression all my life.  But now I’m getting help, and I’m climbing out of that damn black pit.  2014 is going to be better, and I’m never going to hide in a corner, ashamed and hurting, again.  I know it’s going to be a climb, and there is no instant, magical cure.  But this is a start, and – just like that blank first page of any new book – a fresh start feels like it holds hope, and light, and promise. 

Please, please, let’s smash through this stigma about depression, so nobody has to be ashamed to ask for help, ever again.  Please, please, anybody else out there who’s hurting—please reach out for help, right now.  Don’t suffer in silence or shame for even one more day.  Let’s make depression our bitch, instead of the other way around.

With hugs, and love, and—finally—a little bit of hope,


Here are some resources:

The National Institute of Mental Health -

PBS has compiled a list of resources here:

And if you feel the least bit suicidal, please reach out immediately.  You can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) if you are in crisis, and be connected to a trained counselor in your area, 24/7 or find further resources at their website: